Confession

I've always depended on other people to support me. In my time of need,I struggled to keep people's attention. But in the end,I ended up hurting a lot more people than I expected. As a result,I've lost so much. And now,I've lost you. You were the first person I was able to genuinely open up to. You always told me, that you'd always be there for me. Whenever I wanted to talk, you promised to be there. But now, that promise is a distant dream. Of course,I know it was my fault of what happened to us. It was inevitable. You were bound to leave. I knew it all along. I can comfort myself with this thought. It's the price I pay afterall...for the things I've done. We tried our best in order to keep this friendship and relationship in general alive. But we've always had a wall between us. I could feel it when you talked. When you walked past me in the hallways without a second glance. When you and I would sit there in silence,thinking of the next thing to talk about. We've been through so much. So much history together that it's almost impossible to memorize all the days we've spent together. It felt like I knew you since the day I was born. I loved you until it hurt. In both ways. I cried over you, I thought of you, I worried about you. We laughed, we smiled, we joked. I may have felt far apart from you, but I always felt myself wanting to be with you even more. I guess that I've pushed my desire too far this time. You say you still want to be best friends, that I'll never go away from you...but your tone doesn't match your words.It almost makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want your empty feelings. I want you to move on from me. No...I know you have already. I can hear it in your voice. You're tired.
You have so many friends, close, far and the best. You have so much ahead of you. I'm nothing to you anymore. I've come to accept that. I realized that you could never understand me and I could never understand you. Like I've said before,we are two completely different people. I'm done. I'm sick of crying over something as ridiculous as this. What's the point if you won't even look me in the face. Maybe I'm being too selfish? Am I judging you? Or are you just hiding your feelings again like you always do? I don't know anymore. I think it's pretty funny how most of this is my fault, yet I've come so close to hating you. I have no one to blame but myself. That's what my dad always said. I was only thinking about myself. I should've treated you a lot better. I know that. Selfishness and possessiveness clouded my mind. I should've thought about how you felt. All the things I did,all the mistakes that hurt you so bad. I know. The guilt and regret will never dissipate. I guess I expected too much from you. I was never the one to open you up. But that's okay. The one thing I'll never regret is meeting you. Talking,laughing,teasing,crying,yelling,smiling,and remembering with you is something I'll never forget. You were my first true love and my best friend. I'll never forget that. I've always chased after you,with your back facing me. But now,it's time for me to say good bye. I won't let you decide this time. Because I know you'll have nothing to say. Am I weak for letting you go like this? No...I don't think so. I know that letting you go will allow me to smash open this door into a bigger, broader world. I don't know if this is the best decision for me,but I know it is for you. You'll be absolutely fine without me. I'll just repeat that in my head until I learn to accept it. Maybe I already have. I won't apologize or thank you for all you've done. You already know it deep inside I feel both ways. Perhaps...maybe one day...we'll be able to laugh together again.